TRYING TO CATCH THE SAND IN HAND

It is 11:30 in the morning on this cold tuesday monrning and I am right on time standing in front of PVR Rivoli in CP waiting for my friends to come. Atul had planned the reunion as he was coming from Australia after a long time. When I reached the PVR there was no one, so I thought of waiting for an hour atleast. Mean while I could see all new faces meeting at the front gate of the cinema hall rushing to get in as the new movie in the town was going to be screened at 12:00. 

A few street shops lined the front side of the PVR across the small but broad pathway. The sellers were shouting and telling the prices of the clothes that they were selling. I tried to pass my time for a while sorting and looking at some Tshirts, but soon got bored. The cool morning wind was still rushing towards me once in a while trying to play with my fine and short hair which I had shampooded pupously for the meet. I turned towards the main gate and again started to look at the aimlesly walking crowd of busy people. Some how I was staring at every face to find if they resembled my friends. In this process of reading faces I saw a face in the crowd, a pretty face to be specific. She was again and again looking at her watch and trying some number on her cell phone. No doubt what she was doing was same as to what I was doing, 'waiting'. She also spotted me waiting for my friends. But we only glanced at each other for a fraction of second and then we againg got on to our jobs. The time was passing and my friends were still not there. By now her boyfriend had arrived. He was like any rich lad of this city of amazing people, wearing a rudraksh in his right hand and having his hair straightened. The girl hurriedly handed over the tickets to him and lined up for the security check. I was still standing straight in front of the entry gate and watching her from one corner of my eye. As soon she was about to disappear in to the darkness of the hall, she turned for a moment and glanced straight into my face from across the broad path way which was sparkling due to the sun's rays. And then she disappeared in the dark like any second face disappears in a crowd. 

Soon my good friends came at 12:20 pm and we finally met after a long 2 years break. It was good to see them after such a long time. We wetnt to CCD and talked and talked. Most of the time Atul and Amit were busy talking about how their lives have changed and how things are now. I ordered for one Tropical Iceberg cold coffee, they orderd for an Ice tea and a sandwitch. Some more juniors came in as Atul had called them, though a lot of my friends didnt turn up as they were busy in their working schedule. As I talked to them I came to know that not everyone was happy from their work in hotels. They said that they were getting their ass screwed by working for long hours and getting a meager 14 or 15 thousand bucks in hand a month plus incentives. I suddenly thought of myself at this moment and felt good and bad together, good for my decision and bad for my peers not being happy with the working. It is a reality of the hotels no doubt and I knew 2 years back that this is how things will be as they were now. 

I remember my days of deciding as to whether I should take an year off and not join the industry and prepare for CAT or whether I should not waste the year and join. I must swear it was tough to decide and why will a person put a whole year doing nothing after graduation and just preparing for an entrance exam? What if I didnt end up getting a good percentile, what if I dont get a job having scrwed the exam after an year's prepration. I did bad when I first appeared for the exam getting just over 64 percentile (in final year of graduation), and this added to my loosing faith on the harsh and tough decision that I was to take. At that time my sister showed faith on my decion and supported me, my parents left everything on me to decide if I wanted to join and take up the job in ITC Wills Lifestyle as a customer facilitator (my first job) or just go for the preparation leave. I was getting around 8,000 per month from the job (can you believe that; howbout comapring it to some of my friends in IMI who are getting 80,000 per month). I knew if I go for the job then I wont be able to prepare for CAT because all the time and energy would be consumed in the daily job.

Today when I retrospect and think about the decision I took I believe that it was one of the best decisions I have ever taken. MBA has given me a lot in terms of knowledge, whether tangible or intangible. I got the opportunity to work with all kinds of people here, got to know what politics is, how people can be mean and selfish where they do not see any thing but themselves, how they can smile at you and say please do this for me while saying at the back of their mind (as said by Ricky Ponting) I dont care a shit about you but I am saying this as I have to. I also got to know another kind of people who were amazingly opposite of what I just described, they knew how to give but never knew how to take back. May be because they got satisfaction just by giving, who were so trustworthy that one need not even think while telling a close secret to them, who were so sweet that one would never ever like to loose them in their life time. I sometimes wonder how can people with same skin, eyes, nose, hands and legs can differ so much. I made few friends here who now fall into the second category of people, the amazingly opposite ones (though there were others also from the first category but their real self is now revealed and they are no more entitled to my personal space). On one hand I think of retaining the old friends (the one I met today) and on the other I think of keeping the new ones also but with placements approaching very fast, I am now having a fear of loosing them. 

The reunion was a great fun and we all shared our past experiences. Atul was now working in Marriots, others were in Oberoi, Maurya, Imperial, HDFC and the like. With every thing looking same, one thing was missing which I used to find when we were in college. My friends were now more concerned about work life, money, family and what not somehow the friendliness was missing. They were not the same friends as I left them 2 years back. They were changed personalities alltogether. 

I wish I could hold the sand of time and want for more of this MBA life which is with me now. But time never stops, sooner or later every one will join the so called 'corporate life' and in times to come they will also be concerned about their own work life, money, family and so on. They will be more on professional relations with each other than the social relation and that too if the need be. Is this how the future will look like.  We will meet in CCDs and have Tropical Ice Bergs and sandwiches, talk to each other for a few hours and then some one will look at the watch and say' hey listen guys it was nice meeting you all, but I have a meeting to attend'. 

The sand has started to fall and the bell will soon fill till the neck chokes. The first time I sensed the fear of loosing was when I heard about the PPO of one of my good friend. I was among the happiest of all when I got to hear the news,  she got a PPO, good company and an awesom package. But the very next moment I thought that soon she will join the corporate world and then we will not be in touch and then she will forget or have a blurring memory in her mind after a couple of years and probably this is how some of her words may be- yes I remember there was a guy one of my batchmates he used to study with me. We might meet at times in seminars and summits and exchange cards and shake hands and then talk about the lates HR measurement tools used by XYZ company ltd. and how the ABC compay went about doing the restructuring or we will just pass a glance and then disappear in the dark like any second face disappears in to a crowd. 

Reunions are not a good concept neither I want to meet my friends in a summit or a seminar and exchange cards or just disappear in to the dark, as if we never knew each other. I dont want to loose on that, its creepy but it is true. 

Sooner or later every one will get placed and then in the next 3 months we will leave. Can you believe that! we all were together for 2 years and then how can we leave (moments of silence- ps: but the time is still not stopping I am still trying to catch the sand). 

Most of the strongest bonds of friendships have already broken and I can see the corporate culture already residing into the system, where we blame, we fight, we cry, we get accused and also get caught guilty. Where we see each other and say 'hi' just for the sake of keeping the professional relation with the person and while we are saying 'hi' we are simultaneously calculating at the back of our mind if the 'hi' is worth the future returns that 'this' approaching person can give 'me'. It is hard to believe but who can deny the truth.

My fingers are crossed and I wish that what ever I have written is just a dream.... 

But dreams come do come true...

(reader's comments are welcomed :)

SWEET NOVEMBER-ONLY TIME

Recently I watched this movie, Sweet November. I was not able to see the movie in one go, watching one part first and then the next part and so on. I especially liked this song that I ve put here, jsut liked it in the first few seconds...nice soft music to ears and a wonderful lyrics. http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=qy7dQQZF26o&NR=1


Who can say where the road goes,
Where the day flows?
Only time...

And who can say if your love grows,
As your heart chose?
Only time...

(chants)

Who can say why your heart sighs,
As your love flies?
Only time...

And who can say why your heart cries,
When your love dies?
Only time...

(chants)

Who can say when the roads meet,
That love might be,
In your heart.

And who can say when the day sleeps,
The moon still keeps on moving
If the night keeps all your heart?
Night keeps all your heart...

(extended chants)

Who can say if your love grows,
As your heart chose?
Only time...

And who can say where the road goes,
Where the day flows?
Only time...

Who knows?
Only time...

Who knows?
Only time...

LOVE: WHAT IT MEANS TO ME?

As I am writing this post I am also thinking as to what am I going to write today, hunnnnn. Still thinking (looking at nowhere),,,, I feel like writing about Love. Yes that’s the apt topic for me just now. Though it will still be there after I ve written. Ok so here it goes,,,

What do I understand by this word? If you ask me… then I am the worst person to ask any thing bout that. But if u ask me how do I feel like…then you cant stop me expressing it. It all starts when actually u are a new born baby,,as innocent as the word itself. And the first person who takes care of u is your mom. When u r born u can not speak but still u understand ur first lesson on non verbal communication:) . U are so tender that when taken in hands u are cared again with the same innocence as expressed on ur face. The happiness on mom’s face is said to be a price less possession that any one can ever cherish for. Hopping and rolling in her hands or in her lap or even some times rolling all over on the bed,,, we grow. Similarly there stands a strict figure in front of us, who we feel is strong and strict, but actually he is soft from inside, just wanting to extend his hands to hold u and take u in his arms, but at times he avoids doing that. Yes he is our very own dad. Since child hood these important persons hold u where ever u go, till u are grown up. In this issue of mama nd papa, we have another very important person, who actually drives every one crazy,,, in my case she is my elder sister (Priyanka). Being elder to me she held the HE-MAN wala “I am the power” wali authority on me,,, always dictating me, what to do what not to do,,,always hanging around, fighting and then giggling. Oh yes my sis had been a head ache for me:P. But I had a great time being with her. Now that she is in Manipal I am not able to interact with her regularly. But the bond of love remains. These are all "unconditional" love. Innocent and pure and ever green.

As children we played around the house, running from one corner to another, disturbing the calmness of the environment. Getting angry with each other and then going to mummy to get the issues resolved,, then once the issues were resolved then again we couldnt help playing again,, relying with total faith on what mummy had sentenced in her judgment.

And playing involved what not!!!… from building houses of the pillows to being the super man in the house. I remember one such incidence: If uve seen a folding charpai, then folding it from only one side makes it a fisal patti from one side, the other half being flat. So what we did usually was to make a fisal patti, keeping it adjacent to a low level almira. Using a dupatta or a towel as the superman’s dress we stood upon the almira and subsequently jumped on our fisal patti. This was done turn by turn. The event usually ended by finally breaking the charpai. Another incident was of finding new path ways from our house,,,sounds crazy… (in haridwar). We played this game in extreme summers (during vacation), when there is loo and hot wind blowing out side. Me along with my sis used to take our small bicycle and with onions in our pocket, out in the sun just to find new parks, paths leading to (say) an old tattered house, or a place where an old lady used to live or any thing under the sun from doodh wala to a new found general shop. Every time a new establishment found then we had a great sense of achievement. The best part was of tracing our way back to our house. So every day we used to count the number of successes in terms of finding a new way to our house from the new public park (the on e we discovered) or the same old house etc etc............... We share a strong bond that no one can break,,, not even me (saying with the extreme faith I have on her). Another sister of mine who off late became one of my best friend (off late coz she lives in Kanpur and during my child hood I was in Haridwar, she is my chachu's daughter). So since the time I m in Kanpur she (saumya) is also a part of the bond that we all share, along with my another cousin (nd her bro) Ashu. Along with these three brother sister community, there are two more younger cousin,,,chunchun nd chavvi , who are small considering our average age. O k so I was talking bout Saumya. She is also very close to my heart. She had been a counsellor and a friend to me. I had been the same to her. I would never be able to get angry with her (me getting a bit emotional by now). I don’t know how,, but this is one of my weakness where in I can not afford to avoid a person, or not talk to him/her, or be angry for days , or any thing of such kind,,, for a long time. I do try it at times to emotionally black mail but at the end of it... every time I only have to give up,,coz I know I cant just live without talking to them. Same goes with some of my friends. So every time I try not to talk to them,, coz of any reason,, then at that time I m actually doing more harm to myself than to anyone else. And I must tell u its really hard if they do not talk (to me), due to any reason. People can actually take out life out of me by doing that, the only condition being that the person must have special place in my heart.

We all had spent a good amount of our days together seeing each other grow in leaps and bounds. Now all of us are scattered here and there, trying to make our future bright. But where ever we be the bond of love will always remain unaltered and untouched. How bad an organization might feel the tinge of people leaving the organization? Tht can be calculated in terms of ROI or the cost involved in hiring a new person. But how will I or nyone in my family feel when these sisters are actually going to leave us some day…(I m serious). The ROI stands out of question here. On that mood I stop here and in the spirit of RAKSHABANDHAN I wish to be the fevicol for them so that I am always bonded to there love and care, no matter where ever they are. And thus this is what love actually means to me, innocent and unconditional...

THE THREE MUSKETEERS

The Three Musketeers, hunnnn seems as if you have read this title some where, actually it is the name of the book written by Dumas in 1844-45. But it has nothing to do with the book and neither have i read it. The Three Musketeers here are (i guess its too early to reveal the secret,,,but any how i am not writing an epic, nd as if the secret will be revealed after five six days,,,ek minute bhi nahi lage ga mera post padhne me,,so i better give up:D),,Deepak, Gaurav and the very me Sumeet (in alphabetical order). Must be guessing by now who these people are (i hope i m not included in that list,,,he he he). These people are one of my near and dear ones (frnds). Who actually have been instrumental in getting me a place where i am today. I got a call from Deepak, and what he told moved my heart into full of joy and emotions. As if i was egarly waiting for this day to come and hear from him what i wanted to hear since the last year when Gaurav and i both left him (the city) alone to pursue our dreams.

The story begins in the early july of 2006. I had recently finished my graduation and taken one of the toughest decisions of my life,, with great support from my sis and finally from my parents. The decision was to forgo the job that i had got in final placement and invest another year in the preparation for CAT. The dilemma was, "what if i get the same percentile or even worse as i got in my first attempt,, i will not be having either the job or the colleg...", it seems so easy to state the fact now, but the amount of stress it gave me to decide was in fact too strong at that time. The only thing that haunted my mind was "is baar ya to aar ya to paar". I felt as to how rude the life can be, but my determination and an intuition that God has actually formed a way for me gave me enough strength to carry on with my preparation. The two of them (Deepak and Gaurav), never let me loose that strength either we actually became the supporting pillars for each other.
When I joined ICC, an MBA coaching institute in Kanpur, with the july batch I didnt even knew who Gaurav or Deepak were. A day passed in the coaching and no friend made,, yet another day passed,,without much difference. One day when i was standing at the entrance of the coaching after the classes were over I saw this fat and a bit over weighed guy coming from behind. He stopped by me and asked me as to where i lived, as my house was not too far i used to walk back home every day. I introduced myself and told him about my place of lazying around errr my home. He offerd me a ride back home as his house was, though a bit far, but on the way of my house. We became friends and slowly and steadily i got used to riding back with him on his second hand motorcycle (second hand doesn't mean it was bad or something ,, it actually moved very smoothly). While going to the coaching he would pick me from my house,, and subsequently drop me back also. I loved those free ride :P (Deepak if u read this ,,,its for u). Deepak was at time doing BCom. and he had to also go to the college.
In the mean while he introduced me to his friend Gaurav, who at that time was doing graduation in Biotechnology from a different college. So I being a friend of Deepak also became a good friend of Gaurav. We used to do a lot of masti in the coaching and also outside the coaching. To be frank, our coaching was not a very good one from where one cant expect placements like IIMs and all and for that matter even IMI (and you wont believe if i tell that we 3 once actually went on to the extent to give a dhamki to the director Rajiv sir if he didnt improve the quality and the quantity of the classes that were held there). One of the most popular things we used to do was to ask Rajiv sir to let us have samose and tea,, which we bought from his money and enjoyed almost EVERY DAY...The three of us started to share a certain kind of bond which gave us the strength to be united together always.
Besides masti and bird watching (a usual thing for us,,,he he he,, yes i did that also nd for u Gaurav: We used to threaten him for that as he had a gf :P),,, so where i was,, yaa,, besides masti we used to study together in the coaching and used to solve caselets and questions etc after the classes were over. Had we not worked together i believe i would not have been where i am today,,

Meanwhile i was introduced to a 4th character in my life,,,Vikas sir (now a fulltime faculty at TIME coaching,,, Pujju knows about him through TIME). It so happened that Rajiv sir was not able to cope up with the stress of us asking for a good Maths teacher mainly for the arithmetic part... so he suggested us to meet Vikas sir, and we started going to his house to study maths, at that time he was not a full time faculty,, so he taught us at home. He is such a bubbly person and so dedicated ,,, also he was and is like a best friend to us. Indeed he was a great teacher but along with that he was a great friend too. We were free to discuss any thing and every thing with him from "the most dreadest maths questions" to "how is ur gf doing" to "is every thing fine at home?"...
(I am very happy that i got such amazing people in my life who were not only good human beings but also a true friend).
So the life kept moving for me and when ever i doubted my potential (ie, what if,, i dont clear exam?)i was scolded and sent back to work. The D day was nearing and we all were together solving mock tests, fighting with Rajiv sir to get our scores updated on the website so that we can get an overall ranking compared with other students at ICC lucknow (where i studied during the final year of my graduation) and doing what not,,,
In the midst of all this we never missed those samosas, chai,, or even the cold drinks. We all appeared for CAT and talked to each other as to who attempted 10 or 15 or 17 questions per section, and every one was having apprehensions in mind,,"now what?". Two days passed and various coachings released the score cards,,,we three matched the scores with various scorecards from different coachings. I and Gaurav had a decent score based on that but,,,somehow Deepak's score was not coming up to the mark...Gaurav and I were sure to get decent enough score but,,,God .. why isnt Deepak geting a decent score. He still remained strong and took other entrance exams. In the mean time Rajiv sir decided to send me to Lucknow to prepare for GD and PI. Gaurav joined Future Academy in Knapur itself to improve his speaking skills. (I dont know how Rajiv sir was so patient even after we three having so many fights with him and still like he is sending me to Lucknow on his personal relation with the ICC in Lko.,, man he is too professional..).
I reached lucknow and stayed in the house i used to during my graduation.. there were few juniors also with me. I some times visited my college but then mostly devoted my time in coaching classes. Here i met another set of people who later become one of my never say die friends.
During weekends I visited Kanpur sometimes and then we three had a great time with Rajiv sir or sometimes with Vikas sir,, enjoying and of course having those unforgettable samose and chai. During all this, Deepak's mom was undergoing an operation (which included the most critical part -head) and we used to visit her in the hospital. Deepak used to pick me from my home and we together went to see her. I wished strongly from God that she be fine as soon as possible. The operation was successful.
(year 2007 MAY) I returned to lucknow and as usual started with my usual work of going to coaching for GD preparation. Every thing was going smooth when one night i got an SMS from Deepak, stating something which moved me from head to toe and i was stuck to my place, unable to respond as to what had happened. His mom was not with him anymore, as there were some complications that developed a few days after the operation. I was all drenched in tears and thought as to how my friend will cope with the situation.
This guy is actually so pious and calm (which i think he got the traits from his mom) unlike his dad who is in police (Though from inside he might also be soft but i dont know..).That night Gaurav called me and we were not knowing what to do and what not to do,, absolutely clue less. That weekend i went to kanpur, and it was Sunday,,, this person was so strong that he was going to take tha MAT exam that day,, so we planned to meet. I reached to the main road at least ten minutes earlier. He was to come there as he used to usually come and pick me up... but this time the situation was absolutely different. For those 10 min, i was thinking as to how am i going to face him (this situation was absolutely terrible). From a distance i saw his bike nearing me. And as he slowed down near me, I, without thinking any thing, grabbed him in my arms as if trying to take care of a crying child . That innocent and abrupt hug was an ice breaker for us. This time it was silence that was speaking and not the words. Without a word i sat on our very own bike and on the way to the examination centre i asked him whther he had food or not and etc etc.
At the centre also i was not wanting to let him go and stayed there till the exam started, though i was not allowed but i went with him to the room where he was to sit and wandered around till the invigilators came in.
From that night till this night things have changed, its been more than an year since then, he has learned to live life as it comes to him.

During that time I got thru IMI, and Gaurav got through ITM Navi Mumbai...Deepak had been preparing for MAT and CAT for the past one year,, and for the last one one year we both were not with him. Still he got a 96 plus %ile in MAT and got through Singhad Institute, in Lonavala this year(one hours distance from where Gaurav is studying).
(continued after the first para...)And he,Deepak, called me to tell that he has got through the college. Vikas sir is now a full time maths faculty in TIME and Rajive sir is having a flourishing coaching business after we left and also because of the brand image that we developed for his coaching. Though in our free time we used to educated students outside the coaching (who seemed to be sincere) to not to join ICC if they really cared to crack CAT :P.
I am and will always remain one of the most happiest person on earth as i know i have some really good people around me and whom i , in any case, can not afford to loose,,,
What life has in store for THE THREE MUSKETEERS, i dont know,, but one thing is for sure God has made some beautiful plan for all of us... and we will surely achieve success some time in our lives.

STILL SEARCHING

It takes to be something to leave a mark on some one. May it be ur faculty, ur friend, an ordinary unknown person or may be a corporate representative,,, or any one. Today I felt that I don’t have that some thing in me and that’s being very blunt to my self coz, truth is truth. It is not just today, but it’s been quite some time now, so I can not actually point out any particular incidence here. It is just my inner most intuition or something. There are people who are good at some thing or the other but when I closely consider myself then frankly speaking I was not able to find any thing worth mentioning. Some may say that I am wrong but then I need to convince myself first. One thing needs to be considered here is that I am an ESFP which in crude terms means, my locus of control is external and that I need the external party to my social being to support me and tell me that I am good at X or Y or may be Z. It is difficult for me to be self satisfied and myself make a judgement that I am good at any of the x, y or z things. But again that does not stand as an answer or a solution to what I am thinking.

Other things that I am struggling to find answer is my ‘identity’ in the crowd. It’s something vague and philosophical too but it’s true. I found that I don’t have a clear aim. I know I am going to be an HR manager in few years time, but what next. The ambiguity that lies with in me sometimes makes me restless. So what am I supposed to do is not specific which is leading me to waste a lot of energy (since I am not clear of my aim therefore I am not able to focus my energy). Many of my friends in my batch are clear as to what they are supposed to do and where they are to go and how they will be reaching there etc etc.

Now the thing is that what shall I be doing,,,, formulating a clear picture in my mind about my future…but is it that easy to do… the answer is a big NO. When will I establish myself as a separate entity is still unknown. These things are in my mind. One thing I want to confess is that I am also not taking strong steps to overcome such a situation. And that is not at all acceptable. Why is this happening to me? No answer from my side. But the obvious answer seems is that I am not taking initiative to keep a control of the situation. Do I need some horlics or power capsule for that…:O

I do take certain initiatives but then I don’t stand by them and support them wholeheartedly. So basically I am in a state of utter confusion now. What am I supposed to do..?I need to figure out that very soon or I ll make a mess of my life which I don’t want to let happen. So that is it for today’s thought process.
Well before I end i would like to write a few lines about the song that ive posted,,, this one is by Lucky Ali,,, i dont know how much it is relevant to the post here but just because it gives me inspiration ,, and it also states "Anjani rahon me tu kya dhoondta phire,,, door jisko samjha vo to paas hai tere"...Its in me to find out my inner strengths and i need not look to the outside world to know what i actually possess but i am not aware of...
click http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Pze5_nkWQ4

WHEN CUPID STRIKES "JANE TU YA JANE NA"

After a long time and cancelling the program, Roopal finally decided to watch the movie and avoid any further delay. I and Anshuman along with Roops, went to priya. Roops as usual started running to reach the ticket counter before she could miss the last ticked which she believed could have been taken by some one else…had she not ran and taken her position :P.

Soon we three grabbed a combo offer given by PVR (It was not for free). I stuffed myself with popcorns and cold drink and what not. The movie was to start at 6:50 nd it was goin to be 7 now. Roops had already started making bad and ugly faces…I tried to calm her by offering her the what not drink I was having in my hand.

In another few minutes the doors opened and there was absolute dark inside (as if I am telling something uve never seen :)). I remember when I was small I exclaimed loudly while in the cinema hall for the first time saying “itna bada TV!!”. And the very next moment my parents were laughing. What a stupid creature we are sometimes :O

The movie started and there was pin drop silence, I appreciated the silence of the audience, and felt happy myself. Roopal had her eyes stuck to the screen, and Anshuman was busy eating Stax. The sound of the AR Rehman’s music struck the cord and with in the first 10 min, there was one of our favorite songs “Kabhi kabhi…” I wished we had other friends also with us who were at the forefront when for the first time we made the program for the movie. They would have enjoyed a lot.

Then in the mean while Roopal passed some comments on the hero (Jay Rathore urf RATS), being very handsome,,,such a comment would have made Genelia (Aditi) sad (since Roops did not like her :P) so I also said that Aditi was looking hot in the movie (nd she actually was,,,no doubt about that :D).

The movie was pictured and framed for the young guys and gals, and the best part was that it was very close to the reality. The two friends Aditi and Jay were just friends and they never realized that they actually loved each other so much that they could not stay away from each other. These two people also had a great gang of friends with them who always supported them. Then there was the very popular “Ranjhaud ke Rathore” saying and the three wishes, after following which the Rathore of Ranjhaud became a 'mard' these were-he need to have had a big fight with some one where he should have broken some of his bones, second wish was to ride a horse and the third was to be in the jail for a while. I will not disclose more of the story because the movie is worth watching. Regarding me, I am not the “Ranjhaud ka Rathore” but I am a Rathore. Though Ive not been to the jail but ive many times had a good fight with my sister when I was a kid (stating with enough pride), and the record of being the greatest hitter still lies with her when once she hit on my head with an iron scissor :(. I also sat on a horse while I visited Missouri (again when I was small) and I know that it does’nt count for a horse ride, like the one by Jay. But who cares after all it is in the movie,,,I don’t know if I will have to do all those stuff and woo a girl to say yes…it must be more difficult than just going to a jail or riding the horse,, he he he u never know. God save me….

Mean while Roops was able to relate herself with the Aditi in the movie.. And she was very excited. Anshuman showed his indifference to all this and kept eating Stax… to some extent I related my self to Jay,,, more because he was Jay Rathore :). And why shouldn’t I when Genelia was looking awesome in the movie…Some description abt Aditi urf Genelia: This girl was an outspoken one and never minded saying a few “gali” her pet name was “MIAU”. And she was called as the 'kali billi'. The two of the great creatures were not able to exprees there affection for each other…(is it really difficult to say? I don’t know,,never tried though). The movie ended with the two of them accepting the fact that they could not live without each other and can not even see them hanging around with any other x y z girl/boy. All the songs of the movie were really cool,, over all I would like to watch the movie once again. But I guess every one has already watched it by now...Ill have to find some wandering souls to go with, so that I can watch th movie once again :)

With that I end the review of one of the wonderful evenings that I had, and its time for me to sleep byeeeeee.

SHE COULD HAVE BEEN SAVED-A CONCERN FOR THE SOCIETY

I read the following news through various online sources-and I cried as many times as I read this (I felt like writing a few lines so that I can feel better).

Kanpur, May 31 The Indian Institute of Technology in Kanpur (IIT-K) was rocked by another suicide — second within a span of one month — on late Friday night when a B Tech final year student was found hanging in her hotel room.

Toya Chatterjee, who had failed in two of her papers in the final semester, was found dead in the girls’ hostel on the eve of the institute’s annual convocation scheduled for Saturday.

Her father, Kunal Chatterjee, unaware of his daughter’s failure had arrived here on Friday to see Toya get the degree at the convocation ceremony. He went to meet Toya in her room around 11 pm and found the door locked from inside. He, along with other girls of the hostel, broke open the door to find her hanging with a rope from the ceiling fan.

A student of Bio Sciences and Bio Engineering, Toya was declared ineligible for getting her degree on Saturday, as she had failed in the final semester. Instead, she was told to apply for the summer course, on passing which she would have been awarded the degree in July this year. She had gone to her parental home in Kolkata for a week but did not inform them about her failure.

IIT-K Director Sanjay Govind Dhande said Toya was suffering from depression and was not physically fit. “On several occasions, her parents had been apprised of the matter by the Dean of Student Affairs and Project Guide,” he said. “She often remained absent from the classes, and was an average student,” he added.

Though the IIT-K authorities referred to Toya as an “average student,” her performance shows otherwise. She had cleared CAT examination and had offers from all the six IIMs in the country.

On April 18, Prashant Kumar Kureel, a first year B Tech student, had also committed suicide.

Source: http://www.expressindia.com/latest-news/Another-suicide-rocks-IIT-Kanpur/317197/

Failed IIT student commits suicide
Classmates allege faulty grading system
Shahira Naim
Tribune News Service

Lucknow, May 31
Barely hours before the annual convocation of the Indian Institute of Technology, Kanpur, a final year student hanged herself from her hostel room fan after failing to qualify in two papers in her B.Tech (Biological Sciences) examination.

Confirming the death of 22-year-old Toya Chatterjee, SSP Ashok Kumar Singh said her body had been sent for the postmortem after which it would be handed over to her family. A committee, comprising senior professors of the institution, has been constituted to probe into the matter.

Hailing from Kolkata, Toya was found hanging from the ceiling fan in her hostel room by her father Kunal Chatterjee last night, assistant registrar K.V. Satyamurthi said today.

Apparently, she had not informed her parents of her not qualifying the final examination. The father had arrived in Kanpur yesterday to attend the convocation ceremony thinking his daughter would receive the degree.

Toya's father, who was staying at a hotel in the city, found his daughter dead in her room when he came to meet her last night, informed the SSP.

A suicide note recovered from her room read, “Papa, I failed in two subjects but did not inform you about this. I won't be able to receive the degree this convocation since I could not pass. I am ashamed. Please take care of mummy”. Describing her as a brilliant student, her classmate Shikha said she had cleared the entrance examination of all IIMs in the country.

Blaming the grading system in the IIT for delivering shocking results that students cannot handle and resort to such extreme steps, many students interviewed by a local news channel expected the institute to consider modifying this system. Undeterred by the tragic turn of events, the institute today conferred degrees on 994 students of various courses during the 40th annual convocation ceremony here.

Prof Shin Choon Fong, director, National University of Singapore, gave the convocation address.

Toya was just 22 and I believe that she could have been saved, had by any means she would have told her family about the failure. Second suicide in a month's time and the college authority is not moved. What a shame for the society, for us, to have lost brilliant students and even not so brilliant students because of reasons which could have been avoided by taking certain active steps to curb such suicides. Her father had accompanied her all the way from Kolkata to the city and she didn't speak a word. It indeed is difficult no doubt. And to inform her father who was so happy to come to the convocation just to see her child get a degree along with the other students was the most difficult thing Toya could have done. But she couldn't. The fault lies with no one. I just thought about the father and the mother of the student who would have given there heart and soul to let her child achieve greater heights. And now in a moment they are left with nothing except grief. Not to forget Toya, who must be in extreme dilemma thinking as to how could she tell her father and mother about her failure. I can only try to imagine the intensity of the situation.
I have nothing much to write as it is more about self thinking. After hearing about this sad event I pray to God to make me more strong so that I could be of some help to someone in need. I would like to be sincere enough towards any relation that I am having whether it is of a brother, friend or just a council, so that the other person can effortlessly share with me what he/she feels. Sharing feelings always helps to reduce the risk of any extreme step.
Let her soul rest in peace. Amen.

GETTING BACK TO WHERE I BEGAN

I checked thoroughly the room and my eyes inspected every nook and corner assuring me that there is nothing left behind. Before leaving I turned once to have the last glance at the room where I had spent my last two months during my summer internship. A feeling swept across-"I wont be here again." It's kind of very natural to me to have an attachment to a place where ive spent my good and bad times all together. This time its MDI room no. 130. Today I did the shifting of my stuff to room 336. This is because they had to white wash the room for the new batch coming to the college.
While gathering my stuff from the cupboard I found things which I had once lost and then forgotten long before I could have felt the need of it. All kind of useful and useless things were found, some lying under my bed some in the uppermost lost corner of the almira. Some I had to throw away and leave as it is at there place of dwelling. A broken pencil which I used once to write a note, some printed pages that I thought once would help me in my project. A spotlessly clean and ironed white handkerchief, found under the piles of clothes. I had been using another pair and it never came to me that I was having a new one also. Few tattered pages found in the drawer of the study table which I used not for studying but to dry my clothes on and spill my stuff when I used to come from the office. Few toffees found lying here and there some of which I had bought from sharma ji and some of it I had got from my friends here. I pondered for a while while looking at the three broken locks which were lying behind the door(will soon share the funny story related to it). I smiled for a moment on my stupidity because of which they were there. Poor creatures- thought I- I felt sorry for there preset state, they could have been at a better place , might be guarding someone's precious belongings. But there fate was written differently. Then I thought- At least they had a better ending than there counter parts- the keys which ended up in the w.c...
Other rooms were already vacant and the painting work was going on in it. Most of the inhabitants had left for there home or for a trip with friends since there internship had finished last friday. I was the last person to shift since last night I was out to meet my brother who was staying in Gurgaon for the past 1 month.
The painter asked for confirmation by asking me "Room khali ho gaya?" so that he could proceed with his usual painting task. I replied "no"... "give me a minute". I took the last few things like a pair of shoes, the comb, shirt from the hangers. Then I turned to the painter and said-"Room khali ho gaya bhaiya." I knew that some things must be left behind so that one can get thing which are better. So that one can keep moving for a brighter future ahead. Still the past attachment restrained from leaving.
The nostalgia still remains though it will fade out once I have a new place to be in and to cherish my good and bad times. A place where I can enjoy every moment as and when I like, a place which will be very difficult for me to leave once I am there. Where my friends are and I believe that they are waiting. Its my college IMI. Waiting eagerly to come back to my land which I once deserted two months back yet again for better and brighter things to achieve. I am coming.

BEEP BEEP ITS 3:00AM

Suddenly my mobile beeped in the morning at 3. I thought it as any usual sms from my friends. They hardly sleep during the night-"You all are disturbing my sound sleep.zzz..." Yawning twice I took the phone in my hand. That night was chilly outside and I could sense the wind blowing furiously. Every now and then there was sound of rustling leaves. The room was lit and I could sense something awry. Meanwhile I pressed the button of the phone and then again pressed it hard untill I could see the bright light of the screen entering my half closed eyes. A new message indicator was blinking right at the top of the screen. Slowly as I opened the inbox I found that it was a message from my sweet little sister. Still with my sleepy and lazy eyes I managed to open the message folder. Soon I was all in my senses, I lost my sleep immediately as I read the first few line. Hastily I managed to sit straight and read the first line which went on like this-"Tells you that I died...." for a moment I skipped my breath once or twice. But as soon as I followed the lines I read further-"Tells you that I died last night. Would you..." I gained my lost senses the very moment. I realized that my heart was pounding fast and the flow of the red liquid was swift all across my body. This was actually the second part of the whole message (due to longer length of the message the second part was received first and that is the one I first saw). The two parts of the message went like this-
"IMAGINE: We meet after a long time and
we are talking at midnight in your room...
The phone rings downstairs.
You promised me to come back after the call.
The caller tells you that I died last night...
Would you come back to room as you promised...
Plz reply me with a reason. Good Night."
Already the atmosphere outside was awry and on top of that she is sending such eye opening questions early in the morning--Oh God. By this time I had lost all my sleep but I was kind of relieved. In a quick mode I thanked God and then started thinking about the answer, sleep for me now was not as important as, a quick and sound reply to my sister's sms. This one was tricky and I had to put in my head and heart to find a true satisfying answer. I thought for a while and then I exactly knew what to reply. My thoughts were converted into words as and when I started to type on the small key pad of my mobile phone.
I also started off-
" Though as promised, I never went back
to the room ever again.
The reason being- You had promised once
that we would live together happily ever after
but....last night you broke your promise
and so did I..."
(I was still holding the receiver) The call continued...-
"She died last night but just now miraculously she survived".
The caller continued in a low and grim voice--
"A few minute ago he (I) had already died,
not able to withstand the loss of the closest one..."

I then thought again for a while...the thought was all crystal clear in my mind and I could see clearly each and every word. I then continued writing the sms--

"I knew in my room I had very little time left with you,
I did'nt wanted to pick the phone call
but that was the only way I could have made you leave me easily...
and as the call confirmed your survival
I simply walked out into the dark,
feeling contended that now you wont be there
in that room......anyways."

A moment of silence and then I finally pressed the send button and let the message flow across the vast spans of land, rivers and trees untill it reached her mobile. I received the delivery message and then I slept soundly as contended as I was in the message...

MY FIRST TRIP TO MUKTESHWAR

Any thing done for the first time has its importance in life, if the experience is bad then one may regret it but if it is good then it will be cherished throughout the life.

One such good experience that I had was of our college trip to Mukteshwar. Mukteshwar is a hill station and is not yet very popular obe crowded by tourists. It is situated at an altitude of 2,286 m above the sea level in the Kumaon division of Uttarakhand. It is 42 km from Haldwani, 51 km from Nainital and 395 km from Delhi. Surrounded by fruit orchards and thick coniferous forest it was developed by the Britishers as research and education institute (IVRI) in 1893. It is the celebrated scenic spot overlooking long ranges of Himalaya.

“What an awesome place it would be?” … wow! And the very fact that the trip was with our friends gave me an intense sense of joy and excitement which cant be described in words but it can only be felt. And I am sure that every one of us felt the same.

Our trip started on 25^th of October 2007 in the night and most of us,(including me) were on the bus and the rest were in Qualis. I was one among the happiest souls on earth as getting an official off from the hectic life of an MBA was always welcomed. The best thing was that the parents had nothing much to do in this, and they couldn't’t have denied to any one for the tour, because it was a part of the course curriculum. It was like a free pass and we were set free to do what ever we liked. The next 3 days were to change the lives of each one of us in some way or the other and it did . . .

Laughing and giggling , chit-chatting and singing we set off for the trip. We started “Jor se bolo, Jai Mata Di, Sare bolo Jai Mata Di, Aawaz nahi aai, Jai Mata Di” woh! what a start and this was our very own Pujju rani. She talks a lot in proportionately to her weight… he he he J. The stage was set and after picking up our trainer on the way we were soon out of Delhi.

The bus was on its way and every one was in mood, I guess a bit of romance was in the air (it is just the feel good factor :)). I had always liked to be a part of such an expedition where there is thrill of the unknown, as to what might happen the next moment, as well as the excitement of being with your buddies specially the close ones (though we all were only three months old as frends). And here I was actually being a part of it… Songs after songs we sung as loud as we could and no one could have thought of sleeping at that point of time. With a lot of mirch and masala the enjoyment kept on increasing. “Our Jaipur ka chora” Mr Bhanawat was actually macha-ing dhoom with his self maintained and well updated encyclopedia of songs and movies which one had never heard of. Another exciting entertainment was of the very popular “Chen Songs”. This is a popular category of songs unlike jazz or rock which every one knows. These songs are known by very few IMIans. As per my definition and understanding of this complex type; a chen song is one which people normally forget and/or avoid watching and listening to. The authentic copyrights of these kinds of songs are with Ms Shruti urf Ms Velli IMI. She is a bubbly girl with loads and loads of chen material like: old chen songs, chen advertisements, chen movies, chen dialogues etc etc. The chen entertainment would have continued uninterrupted but there was someone who was having a headache because of it (yes u r right it was our very own, Swati). She tried to make us quiet but we were not in a mood to actually stop the chen entertainment. And then that thing happened which should'nt have happened, we all are afraid of the transformed Swati (like Jhansi ki Rani). She shouted to th utmost pitch of her voice, and immediately there was utter silence...for minutes. Time went by....slowly and steadily.

And lo there was a long traffic jam. Our friends had already given the info about the jam through a wireless technology called mobile phone. They were actually ahead of us .coz they were in Qualis. But who cares. We enjoyed the jam also. Seems to be weired, indeed it was not. Few of us got off the bus and moved here and there in anticipation of finding the best source of potable water. And there it was...eureka! they found a hand pump. An immediate chaos filled the bus. Don't worry it was because of every one's wish to get there water bottles filled asap.

Another lot of girls (I guess it was Kari. including others. plz correct me if i m wrong, addi said Priyanka was for sure involved...) were left behind some where and we tried to contact them through the only wireless technology which every one had. Soon the bus slowed down, not because of them but because of the jam. They were now in sight and immediately boarded. I and Chaturbhuj wandered around on the road when , like a typical 'gunda' carrying a shawl around his shoulder, Mr Bhujbal ran towards the roadside sugarcane farm and pulled out some ganne. There was again a chaos as he boarded the bus with this sumptuous feast, no one could resist there urge to grab there share share. There was enough for us to feed and we had enough time for the feast. Chaturbhuj went to get a few more. By the time the jam was over we had had a great feast. These were the few things that kept the bus driver awake at least for the first few hours of the journey.

Slowly the lights were put off. But the whispering still continued in low voices, some were already asleep and cosy. Some were busy using the mobile some were talking and busy sharing there innermost secrets of life. The panoramic view of the dark grey sky and the black trees out side the bus window looked peaceful. The moon was smiling as bright and radiant as ever. The silver light of this heavenly body, pouring itself selflessly on us, was entering every now and then through the window as the bus slowly and steadily neared Mukteshwar. It was like the moon was saying “keep your eyes closed and finger on your lips, its time for you to be in you dream land”. Like a naughty child I didn’t wanted to close my eyes, I wanted to live each and every second of that beautiful moment. Dreaming with eyes wide open I didn’t realise when I went to my dreamland but when I opened my eyes I realised that we were almost in a real dreamland………

To be continued…..

THE UNFORGETTABLE SUNDAY

Strolling down the memory lane I am seeing my self once again and I am trying to bring back those childhood memories. I was an year old when I came to Haridwar from Kanpur. This was probably my first trip and now I like travelling places. What I am today is largely given to me by this unforgettable heaven because a major part of my childhood (7 years) was spent here.

Haridwar is an awesome place to be in. I am not sure as to how it is today but during my time there it was an awesome place, the environment being clean, weather pleasant and most importantly presence of The Ganges. I still remember the rippling water of the river and how we (my family) used to go to the nearby ghat (river bank) during electricity cuts. The sound of the running water and the rustling leaves used to fill the eternal silence at the ghat. Every now and then there were small hawkers selling flute, balloons, the Y shaped flying toys, and many more.

Kite flying in the winter season was like a big event for me. Its importance during those days was second to none. As a small kid I was very fascinated by the various colours of the kites, and when the kite used to fly high against the blue sky then it gave me an eternal feeling of content and happiness which I can never explain in words. Sometimes crossing the boundaries on terrace from one house to another or running behind the kati patang to grab it before any ‘big guy’ can even see it gave a feeling of adventure and thrill.

I still remember one such event- once my mom noticed a pink coloured small kite lying unattended on the ground a few yards away. She told me “there is a kite lying out there, go and get it.” Filled with excitement I ran as fast as I can and immediately picked up the loose string of the kite. With the same energy I started returning to the place where my mom was waiting for me. As soon as I ran with the string in my hand, the kite first flew in the air and the next moment it banged head on to the ground. Poor kite, could not bear the strain and the pink paper was torn in to pieces. Golu-molu me, started crying, not just because the kite won’t come back but because it was like a mama’s gift which I just broke before I can enjoy it.

The next day I again started with same energy and same excitement. And wow! Its Sunday today. I am busy flying the kite and watching others fill the blue sky. The polythene made kites shined every now and then in the mild sun rays of winter. But an immediate chaos surrounds me; I am pulling the kite and rolling the saddi in my hand. No I can not afford any delay in this work “it’s already 9 AM, it’s MOGLI time The Jungle Book! I just can not miss it even if the hell freezes over at that moment. Now I and my sis are stuck to the TV and ‘Wow’ I am watching my favourite cartoon show. Taking the advantage of the situation mom threatens us to drink the glass full of milk or else she will switch off the TV. Oh my God! The milk stinks. But then there is no other choice. I specifically didn’t like the mango flavour complan. May be that is one of the reasons that I don’t like eating mangoes even today.

Sunday was the most awaited day of the week. The further routine comprised of playing games like carom, cricket, etc. If nothing is there to do then I sat under the sun on a mat and I fought battles with my sister. I never used to leave her when she beat me “NEVER”.

Studies were never a problem for me. Why? Because the entire problem was of mom and dad, I do not come in to the picture until…. I am caught. I didn’t like doing home work and I never ever completed my work on time. Some of my worst times were when my copy was checked by dad for work completion just before the final exams, because that was from where I had to learn the chapters. And almost all my copies were either not complete or were not signed. God! I just think of my situation, how helpless I was. Standing in front of him in fear, and anxious as to what will be his reaction, what will he do, etc etc. Every second at that moment seemed like an hour. If he scolds me then it is fine but if he does not speaks any thing then I had it. He had never beaten me but the fear of scolding and the moments of silence were too strong to be dealt with. Any ways I was made to study and learn definitions and the never ending ‘spellings’ by mom.

And once the spellings are learned, it’s time to play. Usually the Sunday ended with another interesting episode of “Mitti ke rang” or “Surbhi”. The song at the end of either of the serials was like an alarm bell for me, I didn’t like them, telling me to go to sleep so that I can wakeup the next day to go to school. Yet another Sunday came to an end and it is time to say good night. The caring hands of mom on my cheeks and a good night kiss on the forehead, that cosy bed and those sweet dreams, I can never forget.

Sumeet :)